Thanks for tuning in Luvz! Lets sit back in our corner cut and sip tea while we discuss (bonuses)….
Now of course I get a sideways glance because when I refer to bonuses in the relationship it sounds odd, right? Of course you also know that I don’t care how my unorthodox way of looking at love is perceived. With that being said Im going to break down what l mean by bonuses within the relationship, and my view on using and how to use them.
You may not know it yet but we all use bonuses in our own way weather it be with sex, affection or spoiling! This comes as a form of a reward when your other half is doing their job or making you happy in some way, you let them know that you appreciate them. In most cases sex affection and gifts are the most common reward. But what if it could go way deeper than that, reversing the punishing affect that we’re so use too.
When our spouses act up we unknowingly and in some cases knowingly, punish them. It can be by simply shutting down, not communicating the way that you once did, not showing as much affection or happiness to your spouse, and becoming unenthusiastic about your sex life. See this is easy to do, but getting back on track once you started the punishments stage is what deems to be the hard part. We have to normalize bonuses once we’ve seen our love through this punishment process. Bonuses don’t have to be in the form of a gift because in love you and the love the two of you share is the gift!
Make the effort to kiss him/her more. Let them kno you’re still attracted to them through body language and flirtatious words. Lay on his chest when he’d least expect it, rub his head while he plays the game. Go out with her while she’s getting herself together, watch that lame ass show with her and pick her brain. A bonus is supposed to fit the two of you in a way that will stimulate love and passion. Don’t just use them to get out of the dog house or so he will forget, use them to let the other know “hey you’re still being everything that I need you to be”.
It’s okay to get off track, but you know when it comes to doing the work to get back on track, I’d prefer that route. Now when I tell you it’s not about the sex I mean that. But yes bonuses within the sex life and in the way you communicate and respond to your man will go far. With men it’s about touch and response! When he’s handling business within your union you have to let him know in the way that you respond to him.
Make him feel good with the “yes baby” responses, give him your undivided attention when he’s speaking, and tell him your proud of him. When your in the bedroom fully engage with him and open up an air wave between you two to try something new. Be vulnerable with your man and let him take the lead letting him know you trust that he can do so, these are love bonuses! Don’t get caught up in what the next couple does to keep their spark alive because each relationship has its own language of love. When it comes to your man you know what he likes and you know how to handle him, so do it!
Now fellas when it comes to your lady, you know we’re a mushy bunch of odd creatures. Of course we love gifts and being paraded and praised by our men, but that’s not the things that are considered bonuses for us. We want the extra attention, we want the hugs in public, the clean house when we come home. Give her an extra kiss, and extra compliment or a long cuddle after sex. Act interested in what she has going on, be her best friend when no one else can’t understand her like you can.
Bonuses can be used as a manipulative tool, hell they can become the reason people stay in a union. But the way I want you to use them luvz is meant to strengthen the relationship. It’s meant to help you connect with your other half in a way that you learn each other. It’s meant to show how much you appreciate the bond that the two of you share, love bonuses are necessary if you ask me! –Donnie Sharrell