Donyaz Corner Tea Time (separation issues)

Thanks for tuning in Luvz! Lets sit back in our corner cut and sip tea while we discuss the challenges of separation an attachment issues…

When it comes to a separation problem, it appears for all sorts of reasons and they mostly stem from our childhood. Some of this begins from a parent leaving us in youth, hell or not even knowing our parent at all. It can happen from a close friend or family member suddenly passing away, or people running in and out of your life. The separation becomes us so intermediately that we forget its even inside of us. That is until it swells up in us one day when those feelings are awakened by an unsuspected trigger.

The fear of the people you love suddenly disappearing out of your life isn’t something we’ll ever go through alone, because weather you know it or not it’s an actual phobia. Most people suffer from this phobia and don’t even know it, and 80% of people don’t even know it exists. Athazagoraphobia. The fear of being forgotten, ignored, or abandoned! I believe this phobia is learned from the losses we take but never fully deal with because we don’t know how. We avoid the thought because we also want to avoid the emotions that come along with the thought.

The fear of abandonment signs are not that hard to spot at all. There are five phases of abandonment and signs. The phases spell SWIRL: Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting. It’s common that we’ll spot the signs in ourselves and the people around us but naturally we’ll ignore the signs. Especially when the signs are evident in your love partner.

  1. Giving too much or being overly eager to please.
  2. Jealousy in your relationship or of others.
  3. Trouble trusting your partner’s intentions.
  4. Feeling insecure about your relationship.
  5. Having difficulty in feeling intimate emotionally.
  6. Needing to control or be controlled by your partner.

People with abandonment issues often struggle in relationships, exhibiting symptoms such as codependency, an inability to develop trust, or even the tendency to sabotage relationships. The cause of abandonment issues is usually trauma of some kind. But this doesn’t mean you can’t begin the steps to heal these wounds. Start by talking, because you first need to find the trauma before you can start to address it an heal from it. By doing this you can start to identify the signs of an abandoner.

  • Acknowledge Beginnings. Do you know why you have a fear of abandonment?
  • Recognize the Signs.
  • Break Patterns of Traumatic Reenactment.
  • Stop Building a Case Against Yourself.
  • Don’t Downplay Pain.
  • Challenge Shame.
  • Be Compassionate with yourself These are all steps that will help you begin your spiritual abandonment healing. But not the biggest step! Believe it or not loss of attachment and fear of abandonment are a spiritual and mental darkness that can ruin even the strongest of bonds. Even pushing the people away who had the full intention to stay.

See the fundamental solution to selfabandonment is self-trust and making a commitment to yourself. Anything that involves self-care, self-exploration or asserting yourself is a step in the right direction. All healing begins with ones self because we can’t heal without the opening of our third eye. This is how we enter and exit our inner selves and are able to explore the deepest of our heart and brains capacity.

As it pertains to this issue in you’re partnership you do the something. You do the self work to figure out why you feel abandonment within the relationship. Once you find the trauma or the relatable triggers this is when the talking comes in handy. You talk to your partner and teach them how to practice the healing of self abandonment so he can find where the trauma began as well. This is where he can start the healing process and both of you can identify the trauma between you two. This way you can have an indepth conversation and figure out what you can do to help you and your partner can do to stop the cycle. -Donnie Sharrell

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