Thanks for tuning in Luvz! Its been a while since we’ve all had a check in venting session, so lets chat..!
Let me just say Luvz that when my heart is breaking I can physically feel it happening. Us people who are usually closed off have a tiny window that opens and gives the chance to allow someone or something to sneak around the corner straight into our heart’s. This is when that person gets to see and experience that vulnerability that we use so much effort keeping tucked away. This is why when us closed off individuals feel hurt our reaction is over exhilarated in disappointment. All though we’re closed off when we let that special someone in, we come in swinging with love, we don’t honor the rules of the guarded heart and this is why the heart break physically goes through our entire bodies.
I can say I recently started to feel this happening to me. See my love life has me twisted up in the game right now but I’m in the borderline transitional stage. I know this fuss is partly my fault and his too, our failure was probably a 60/40 deal. My ruining percent was because like the Virgo I am, I haven’t been taking my own Relationship seat advice the way I should. I started off in our union with a mission and that exact mind set (union). But that changed once I felt hurt, unappreciated and like I had fought to prove my intensions and feelings were real alone, until I reached a breaking point!
I broke on him first, that I know, and he wasn’t paying attention to me breaking either. See I’m the girlfriend who starts out being everything you need, your safe place, I bring the soul familiarity and feminine comfort to the connection. I can tell you the exact moment I started to break away from that union energy, but could he? We both had a lot going on but I wasn’t combative with my man, I honestly was trying to stick it out and just keep letting him learn me while loving his doubt away. But while I was doing that he wasn’t paying attention to the change in my love, the happiness starting to drain from my ora as I fought my ass off for him, alone. But see he was closed off and clouded then, so that fight in me for us he didn’t even acknowledge or even remember.
The way I come in first ready to go all in for love, mixed with what I have to give and don’t hesitate to donate is why the feeling of heartbreak becomes dangerous and physically painful for me. I’m a real life hopeless romantic, I enjoy seeing and feeling love. All though the opening to my emotional window is so small, its not too small for Mr to climb through. Us closed off folks always turn out to have the biggest hearts. We’ve also been through the most unbelievable pain others could imagine, as well as ample amounts of let downs and love bail outs. Working on opening our windows isn’t the issue though, its leaning how to let go of trauma that becomes us and turn us cold as ice, that is until that heartbreak sets in.
See because we harbor things every hurt piles up on top of the last one. Now this hurt becomes bigger than a hurt that’s not many, but that’s not our faults Luvz. We became pain cushions for the people we expected to protect our heart’s, instead they stepped on it. When you aren’t aloud to feel that pain, the disappointment, the interest, you learn to bury it and thus is how the harborer of pain is groomed. Once we learn to let this trait go we will elevate to a higher love frequency. But see in my case I can be but will also require a partner that is willing to match that frequency and be the one to remind me of the mission.
With this breaking heart I will sit in the things I’ve learned about myself. I will regroup and accept the things I cannot change or control because I know that I can’t be hurt with out being In love. So my closed off people don’t be afraid to be broken, learn yourself and accept the things that are a make up of you. Leave that window cracked because being vulnerable is nit going to always mean being hurt. Thank you for being my heartache medication while I be your meditation for physical heart breaking Luvz! -Donnie Sharrell