Past laugh 😅 #let’s chat

Have you ever just set back and thought about a heartbreaking situation an laughed? Laughed because you were fooled by your own soft heart, fooled by a narrative that you really did believe. Once you’ve gone through something and gotten through it, you start to become numb to it, you start to dissect it. Once you’ve felt something for so long you’re able to notice your faults and the fault of the ones around you. You’re able to evaluate and be okay or even if you’re not okay you’re able to accept it for what it is.

As I think about my past situations I realize that I get so invested that I become lost in a situation when it’s good. But when it’s bad I disappear into it. I am the person who wants to see the beauty in everything, so when I’m taken to a place where I see no beauty it scared me. It pisses me off because I fight to find love, tranquility, and a reason to keep fighting, and when I can’t I blow up inside. I know that it’s not easy being with me when I get to this point because now my guard is up, now I’m unsure, now I’ve become angry. But is only because I try and keep the peace before this, I try am be heard, I try and bargain, to show out, hell I even try to shut my own feelings down for the sake of understanding and being okay.

Once it feels as if you’re backed into the corner and begging to be let out falls upon deaf ears, you start to form some type of resentment. Sitting back and looking at the situation in its entirety, I laugh in sorrow. I laugh because I seen it coming but you have people in this world that only feel their own pain. They don’t believe you when you tell them a storm is coming until they hear the sirens themselves! I know that in my situation all i needed was to be heard, validated, for both parties to be held to the same standard when it came to the work that needed to be done, and for the blame to be 50/50 just as much as the success.

We all sit back and think about what we could have some differently in certain situations and that’s fine… As long as you don’t dwell on it. See if its a one man/ woman sport its easy to learn and grow. But when it’s two people… There is when you have to be okay with knowing that the failure is not yours alone. Not feeling valued isn’t on you, not feeling validated isn’t on you, having your feelings be considered mince to theirs isn’t your fault. Giving up is, allowing it to go on for so long is, not standing up for yourself is, and not sticking to the rules of love is our fault, but that’s okay.

It’s okay because everything comes back around that you deserve. It’s okay because not everybody that you missed out on was meant to have a spot in your destiny. It’s okay because love is infinite and what’s for you will always be for you. There’s no need for me to dwell on something that I know I tried to change time and time again, you either. So when you sit back and think about your past and the things you’ve been through… I want you to laugh, I want you to laugh a hearty laugh because you made it, you learn from, it, it did not break you how you thought it did, and now you can grow from it.

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