Knowing change

Knowing that you told your darkest secrets to someone who will turn around and use them against you, can tare your heart apart. Knowing that you have told them how you hurt, showed them your most vulnerable memories and they turned it around to cause you harm will change you. Once you trust someone with the parts of you that you yourself are even afraid of and they betray you, this tares your heart up too. We can’t control this part of learning in life. But how it changes the way you respond to love and trust while in love is the thing we can control, it’s something we can change.

Heartbreak equals change, plain and simple. But once you go through this on top of being beat down, betrayed and made to look like a fool, you have some really important changes. Changes in the way you think, the way you act and portray yourself, changes in the way you love, and especially in the way you open up to people. These changes are inevitable but they are vary much so important in your growth process. Knowing that I’d been betrayed by someone who I would have given my heart straight out of my chest for, yes that changed me for the better and for the worse.

I know that I’m not vary good at giving up, so when I have to it makes me feel like a failure. But not this time! See this time I have decided to feel relieved, to feel as if I dodged a bullet. No one who loves and respects you will ever use the darkest pains of your past to try and manipulate and hurt you.. No matter how upset they are. No one who wants the best for you will use you, they won’t belittle you, and they definitely won’t push you down and kick you while you down there.

Knowing that I experienced all of these things and it still didn’t break me lets me know that the next change in my life is going to be a beautiful one. Yes I’ve been hurt and I’ve been in a vulnerable place, but I’ve also been able to learn while being there. I’ve learned more about myself in the past few years then I thought I could. I’m now able to identify my great qualities and also the ones that need work. Knowing that the person you trust and love can hurt you the most is probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned. But it also brought me to the point of wanting to change, wanting to love and trust again. Knowing hurt helped me love myself even more!

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