AskDonya (The man’s leadership) #Informative conversation #Relationship

Thanks for tuning in Luvz! Lets chat for a bit…

Ok Luvz, now you all know I’m neutral when it comes to this love thing. But this time I have a clear focused audience Im speaking too, so ladies lets chat with the fellas. I was asked my opinion on what I want out of a man and vice versa, how I prefer a man to lead, and how I think my man feels leading. Of course this got my wheels spinning because I had to think on all of those things. It’s not like I haven’t had this conversation before, but I found that a few of my opinions and outlook’s on certain things have changed in a major way.

For instance, at one point in time a man leading for me meant he had full control over everything in our lives. Money, sex, affection, time and so forth and so on because of the things I’d seen and been through. Now as I sit in my mid twenties that seems like total bullshit to me. “Excuse my French”! This is because in my opinion you as a man is meant to have a team mate because a man needs someone to lean on, who can handle things if he has a fall and can’t. Men need to know that they have a special someone they can share there vulnerability with, it helps prove their security within the union.

I believe a man is supposed to be stern but gentle when dealing with his family, be ambitious, be mindful of the fact that he is the head of the household. A man should work, but also balance family, which comes along easier with the help of a team mate. Of course this isn’t easy, and yes this seems too much for so many men. Hell the weight of the world is on a mans back from the day he’s born. But leading is also what you’re born to do, you just have to find you’re lane and know that with that someone finding that balance to lead won’t be as big of a challenge as you expected.

When it comes to what I want out of a man, and what I think he expects of me, well anyone will tell you that’s simple but of course it’s not. See you men are a bit more simply put together then it’s women, but it’s also easy to make you all second guess and turn your feelings off. You need time, loyalty, a lot more attention than admitted, lust more so than sex, and most of all to feel needed and a safe place to store your oh so dedicate heart. As women, myself included, we don’t always identity those needs and cater to them. This is where the friction starts in and you all back off.

As humans we tend to focus on our own needs and how we may look letting out and identifying them, rather than look at the needs as a team together. I need a man who can also be my best friend, which may cause me to over look the fact that he may need his soft pillow at that time. I prefer a man who can express himself, this may cause me to overlook the fact that not all men are use to doing so. I prefer a man who will baby me and let me be the independent boss that I am, but you as a man may not know how to find a balance between the two. But we as women are quicker to think about this than you as a man because this takes the crossings of emotional boundaries.

Most men would rather lead with an iron fist because leading any other way up until recently has been seen as weakness. Society painted HE as the brute, the one who thy family shall respect even if that means smacking them into it. He who show’s little affection and even if he does, its on his terms behind closed doors. That all is changing for you as men but we as your women have to listen and recognize when you’re trying to change the pattern. To recognize how hard it is for men to show us how they really feel and not care how others think or what they’ll say.

Leading a family is overwhelming for either sex. But for a man it’s ten times as overwhelming because he’s already beating himself up over himself, but to add a family, that’s like the icing on the stress cake! Men were brought up to be the strongest, to be the best and succeed at whatever. Whether it be sports, girls, riding bikes, fighting, or pain, they were meant to conceal. We as their women have to create a space where they feel safe to lead. Sit down and discuss leadership and what that means to each of you! – Donnie Sharrell